Well, Ah figured Ah’d jus’ start off with sump’m a bit autobiographicalizin’ so y’all could git tuh knowin’ me jes a little bit better. KnowwhutImean? So Ah put together this here little bluegrass song which is based on thuh true story uv a day in muh life! Also, Ah have worked hard tuh integrate lots uh opossum fac’s inta this here little ditty tuh try an’ edumacate y’all a little bit. Hope yew enjoy it!

Opossum Tale Lyrics

What’s that awful smell
It’s my butt
I bet you wish
I’d kept that bugger shut
you raised your voice
and startled me
I had no time
to climb a tree
but that’s OK
’cause I don’t hold a grudge

I bet you thought only
skunks could squirt the stink
heh heh heh
well I reckon ya learned sumpin’ new today

Now I’m living in the space
below your roof
I’m poopin’ everywhere
and that’s the truth
you hear me scratching
in the walls
I slink around
and drag my balls
but that’s OK
’cause you can’t find the proof

Fiddle time
Whoo hoo
Ain’t it mighty purty?
Just like my Mama used to play
Mama was a O’possum from Ireland
Daddy was a spy from England
Double O’possum

Oh Oh Oh
don’t try to pet me
even though I’m awesome
I’ll steal yer food
to help me feed my babies
I’ll bite yer ass
but I won’t give you rabies

I’m leaving in a cage
with pest removal
I see you standin’ there
with smug approval
they dragged me from
my happy home
they’ll take me
far away to roam
but I’ll come back
’cause I looked you up on Google

Oh Oh Oh
don’t try to pet me
even though I’m awesome
I’ll steal yer food
to help me feed my babies
I’ll bite yer ass
but I won’t give you rabies

Ya might wanna put sumpin’
on that bite though
because it WILL get infected
And you could die

But I don’t have rabies

I do have fleas
and those little buggers
carry all kinds of diseases

Oh and my poop?
My poop can give you
Leptospirosis and/or Salmonella

Well c’mon!
What’d you expect?
I’m a wild ass marsupial, bitch!

Copyright February 2021 by the Unknown Marsupial

Opossum Tale Comments

What a hoot! Some mighty clever lyrics mixed in with the amusingly informative stuff and a cool bluegrass sound to deliver it all. My hat’s off to you! -crisp1

Laughing from the first, well done! -gindark

“O’Possum from Ireland” and “Double O’Possum”!! 😂😂 Okay, this entire song is beyond awesome!! Thank you for the belly laugh!! -hoppiern

a spy from England… a double-O-possum… Priceless. Speechless. -prsongsmith

Woooow. That was awesome, please bite my ass! -unkept

Here because of the recommendations thread – and this was amazing, thanks so much. -brisk

Lol!! I’ve been waiting until the end of FAWM to do an @opossum tune marathon and this did not disappoint. Are you perhaps friends with the band of squirrels who routinely tried to mug me when i lived in Chicago? Or perhaps the rats on the EL that also tried to mug me? I think you folks may have some relatives in common. 😉 -vivalarayna

This is all kinds of awesome. So funny, and so well played. I don’t know how you can play so well with those little hands. -kenmattsson

I agree with @tcelliott ! Thanks, @opossum ,you cute little marsupial breath scavenger! 💜 -wingandwaltz

You HAVE to put these up on bandcamp. You just HAVE to. Loving it. -tcelliott

Priceless again! -coolparadiso

This is hilarious and very creative! -tamsnumber4

Really fun! Love the banjo and fiddle. Very clever lyrics for a marsupial. -jsini

Soooooooo good. -rose

I really, really, really like you opossum and your funny and neat style. I’m glad we met and now that I know that you know that I know that you know that I know that you know your way pretty well in the internet I know to expect you taking over the world some day. -thesoundof

Absolutely brilliant! Belly guffaws. So well done. And yea the double o-possum. Best standup joke I’ve heard all year. This is a comedy special. musicality is also amazing. Love it! -aesthetic72

DOUBLE O POSSUM hahaha that’s great -meriamber

Loved this so much, so funny and the music is awesome! -didib

🤣 -spazsquatch

This is the feisty opossum soundtrack I never knew I needed. -cleanshoes

Delightfully hilarious! I needed a good laugh. The vocals are great with wonderful lyrics and toe tapping talent. -colgoo

Wow, well done. Geez. -johncrossman

Stop eating the blue gras, switch to green 😀 -ustaknow

I loved it. Brought back memories of the raccoons in the backyard who ate the goldfish in the pond. Was I annoyed? a little. Can I blame them, no. Yes I did learn some new things about the Possum. 😉 -andread

Everything, voice, lyrics, instrumental is so very entertaining. Well done. -suzastaff

You are now my new favourite marsupial 🥰 Quite something to make a song so wonderfully creative, funny and catchy – congrats! -guitarpatz83

Superb! And there’s education in there too – I figured leptospirosis was possible, but didn’t realise salmonella was possible too. Two for one. -thedutchwidows

The rhymin here is the best and I learned sumn today too -kendrakinsey

Oh. I probably shouldn’t laugh at this on account of the foul, but Oh my galoshes, this IS hilarious. Makes you wonder the mind behind this?! -kc5

Nice skip play in the beginning or not sure if it has a technical term…lol such silly lyrics & love the end bit too. Well done! -apolez3

That was delightful! Such a great start! -yam655

Oh my god. This is my new favourite thing in the whole universe. Also my boys nearly pissed themselves laughing at it. -mdavisto

ROFL!!!! So good! -dudachris

This is ossum. The talking over the fiddle was my favorite part. -midwayfair

This is so funny and delightful and I’m cracking up. Excellent instrumentation–I’m a sucker for a good banjo/fiddle combo. Love this. -robynmackenzie

This is one of those songs that I’d expect to be much better in theory than practice. Delighted to have been wrong on this one. This is fantastic from start to finish. Lots to recommend it, but the very fluent answering of some unusual feminine rhymes stands out to me as a glimpse of the finely-honed method behind the madness. -stephenwordsmith

OMG that was so funny! Double O’Possum! -pfoo

OKAY. This is fantastic wow. The concept is enough but your delivery is just brilliant. The lyrics and country action. Every line was great line and had it’s place. The ending line, oh my. Great track mystery Opossum. -kanttila

Well, I’ll be damned. You are not only a fine bluegrass player but a clever opossum too! I laugh out loud every time I hear that section about your parents “Double O’possum”! Nice work for a FAWMling O’possum! -johnstaples

❤️ -elaisse

Hilarious! Great work. -metalfoot

Came here via the “Recommendation” thread. I laughed out loud at “fiddle time” and smiled the rest of the time. Great musicality as well as obviously hilarious lyrics. -bradbrubaker

you are coming out f the gate with enough gas to. bloow you to the moon. this is going to be a hard ne to follow but l know you eill do itt. pooping is the purpose of all animal life we are hear to keep the earth fertile. too bad that we flush so much of it down the toilet. -billwhite51

Fun write! The banjo is a perfect setting for a witty and charming look at life from the critter’s eyes. -tseaver

Such a great tune you got here. Love the fiddle break. -fuzzy

Bahahaha! Love it! This is hilarious. -expendablefriend

Double-O with the license to thrill! -sph

So glad our possums can’t do this. All they do is shred anyone who tries to grab them. And, roof dwelling, tell me about it. Well you have, I guess! Thats a real lift as the guitar comes in. Kudos for the banjo too by the way. Really funny lyrics and a wonderful delivery! -timfatchen

😁 Oh possum! This is just the dandiest ditty! Gorgeous music and well, fine lyrics too 😁 -judypie

I’m in love. Tell me more noble Opposum, I’ll hang on every word. -spikedirection

HOLY CRAP!! I hollered out loud! I even stopped the track. People MUST hear this! You might want to tag this NSFW for the last line. Your call, though, you wild marsupial! 😉 -cts

Oh. My. God! This is my favouritest thing ever! 😁 -dragondreams

yep – fun stuff – and musically brill -pabrizzer

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